gifts of stillness

I don't hold still very well. I have a constant need to multi-task. My hands should be doing SOMEthing when it's just my brain working.

That doesn't feel very fair to my brain but I've been able to justify it. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop", I would tell my D.T. kids when they asked me why I was always crocheting at work.

I also like how comfortable and forthcoming kids are when you don't look them in the eye while they are telling you their deep darks. I felt like I discovered the magic communication trick.

One of the downfalls of a multi tasker is putting something down and not remembering where I've put it. Busy brains don't remember well, I've discovered.

I tried this new thing. Stillness. If I'm frantically trying to remember where I put something, what actor was in something, what word I'm looking for to describe something, when was the last time I drank water..I remind myself to just be still. See if it comes to me.

I don't remember in the chaos or in the time limit. I'd be terrible at game shows where I have to beat a clock.

I remember in the stillness. Things just come to me when I calm the fuck down. It's like magic. Trusting that will happen is still tricky but more and more evidence of stillness working has helped the trust part.

Ironically, one thing that helps me still my brain and body is intuitive painting. Brush to canvas. No thought...just shape and color choices to begin with.

Somewhere in the paint, ideas happen, plans take shape, memories click.

Best gift I've given to myself this season is time. Time to paint. Time to cut fruit. Time to free write. Time to walk. Time to heal.

I love you.

I have a present for you. You might to paint with me so I made a little Turtle CAMP . A way to slow down. Here you go. Enjoy https://campcarestudio.teachable.com/courses