seeds

This was on my tea bag this morning.

And here I thought that just wearing yellow would brighten my being.

It's a long sweater of yellow, I tell you.

For once, random manufactured fortune is truth. I recognized the brightness of my being was dim yesterday. I let scathing bullshit interfere with my zen. The zen that came from a weekend focused on my dream of putting peace, love and light into the world. You know..new year's stuff.

If we really pay some attention to being mindful and having an awareness of what we can move toward in this world: In our homes, our workplaces, our communities and our even our place in the grand ballroom of this virtual space, we (well, I) recognize that there is not just some magical BE.

Like wearing yellow...doesn't make my BEing magically bright.

It's about planting seeds and growth.

I am BEcoming aware of organic growth. I am BEcoming aware that I am more able to MOVE TOWARD the actions and attitudes I desire if I plant seeds, water and nurture the flowers I want in my garden.

Years ago, working with incarcerated kids, we had many volunteers who would come and do their thing for the kids in kid jail. I helped with honoring these volunteers at a yearly banquet. It was an extra duty I felt strongly about. One year, I wrote a song and painted a banner that might still be hanging in the halls at Salt Lake Valley Detention Center. It's about Planting Seeds. When you want to save the world (in this case, The Kids) and you have a finite time and access, it can be quite frustrating to not be able to do ALL THE THINGS. Especially frustrating to not be able to see much by way of flowers in what you've planted. Is that why we serve? Is that why we garden? To see results?

Why yes, for me. Big, fat, instantly gratifying YES.

To consider nurturing soil, planting just the right seeds..sometimes over and over, watering, the right match of plant food, navigating sunlight and shade...well, it's a lot to consider in being a gardener. Might make a person give up.

Why can't I just wear a big yellow sweater? Why does my light have to be generated? From within? where?

Here's the moment when I come to the conclusion that growth and moving toward the goal, the finish line, the flower is the worth it part. The joy in the journey.

I got my 501(c)3 non profit acceptance letter last year.

After a few months of paperwork and payments and writing up an idea for a youth development program that involved expressive arts and service. It was super exciting. I had plotted for this moment of having a way into kid's lives that I had witnessed as a staff in some of the difficult kid places. The BIG BOULDER of pandemic prevented that momentum. Damnit!

"we aren't accepting volunteers at this time due to...blah blah blah" became a familiar sentence.

I think I will just thank the universe for giving me time to be thoughtful and organic about plans and growth. Time to educate myself and others through the wonderful means we have available. It really is kind of interesting that this current pandemic is happening at a time where we are able to communicate, learn and give electronically.

Welcome to the Garden of 2022 - The CAMP CARE Studio and the CARE Alliance.

What will you plant?

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Please hang in there with me as I construct online education and create JAM Sacs and CAMP Mess kits and find my way to my people and build an alliance of creative action and radical expression.

If you're interested in being part of the CAMP/alliance, I'm just an email, text or phone call away.

peace, love and light

Tori

307-212-2237

knottytori@gmail.com